Butch
-Between what Vishous had told me about Piper getting arrested and the wonderful experience of having her go after my male, I knew that a chat with her was long over due. I literally couldn’t have done it without a cool down period of time though. As much as I might care about her, I could not over look the fact that she had come after the one thing that I would rip anyone to shreds over. From what I was hearing around the mansion Piper was in something deep. I didn’t know what the hell I could do to help her but I would hate myself if I didn’t at least try. I downed a pot of coffee before I even stepped foot into this arena. Stubbing out my smoke I got up and headed out of the Pit. I decided to hit the first spot first and went straight to the PT room.-
Piper
-I watched Phury for a few brief moments before turning on my heels and heading towards the PT, suddenly aware of not just one but two pairs of eyes on me. #Matilda cautiously a few steps behind a rather large, burly Doggen. I hummed lightly lifting a hand to salute both even turning some on my heels to flash a reassuring smile, maybe more for my own reassurance than anyone else. I was left with a gnawing curiosity as to what exactly Phury knew about “voices” both times I mention them he seemed to freak, once even throwing himself from his chair to get away from the question. I was used to the weird actions of Rhage, Butch, V and even Zsadist, but this was entirely new. The others would at least humour me with some smart assed answer before leaving. Whatever it was at some point I would bring it up but for now it was nice having an impartial person around to help. I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep myself sedated like a raging beast but it seemed the only reasonable way to avoid trouble. How had things gotten so far from normal. Sure I wasn’t exactly the definition of normal to begin with but at least there was a little hint of it. My feet were on a mission once they righted themselves complete with the rest of my new entourage quickly on my heels. The PT look dormant and it was easy to spot the dust, but I didn’t miss the few things not in the places I normally kept them which lead me to believe Bella had finally made her way down here to explore. Now more than ever I was relieved to have a little extra help and I made a mental note to start training her in the simple tasks in case either one of my personalities decided to show up. Yeah. My priorities were in order; Keep your fucking horny self and motherly self at bay long enough to see a head shrink who may or may not commit me without a second thought. Panic set in just as my ass hit the leather of my desk chair, the beginnings of a tension headache making their intentions known even before I squinted to scroll through my Rolodex.- Nope, nope, retired, not a fucking chance in hell. -I blew out a long breath and continued flipping through till I settled on Julia’s number. Of all the colleagues I had collected from my father and on my own she would be the best. She always had a way of putting me at ease even when I defiantly stood strong against it. One hand reached for the phone, quickly dialing the number while the nervous fingers of my other hand tapped incessantly against my desk. Ring. Ring. Ring.- Fucking hell woman. Just answer the god damn ph…-Her small voice chimed in excitedly before a small squeal filled my end of the phone, instantly causing me to pull it away- Holy cripes woman -I couldn’t help the laughter that filled my voice at her response- It’s been a while I know. But i hear congratulations are in order. How long till the little one appears?
-I envied the array of emotions coming from her side of the line, she had everything I had once dreamed of and I couldn’t have been happier for her. It still caused my heart to ache when the realization hit that life never turned out the way I wanted. It turned out so much different. We continued talking, she filled me in on all the good, bad and uglies of her pregnancy, even noting that she glowed with pride. I could almost see her now. A small beacon, or ray of sunshine. My elation was suddenly dashed when she said she couldn’t fit me in, the last few months of her pregnancy would be spent on bed rest. It was like she heard the defeat in my voice before I spoke, chiming in with a solution. Another doctor. One she trusted. I thanked her making sure to make plans for a visit after the baby was born for tea and just girl time time before I hung up and blew out the longest breath known to man. Pausing when I saw Butch strolling through the double door, half tempted to just crawl under my desk and hide before I sucked up whatever strength I had, forced a smile to my lips and spoke- Hey bro. What brings you down to my neck of the woods?
Butch
-I took in every detail of the place and Piper as I walked in. Just like I always had in quick notations that I filed away in the back of my head. It was hard to turn something like that off when you were a detective for so long. Reading people by what they didn’t say as much as by what they did.- You want me to go away? -I came around the side of the desk and perched on the edge of it.- I mean I could but it doesn’t seem like a good idea.
Piper
-My head turned, watching as Butch strode towards the desk, by the time he perched himself beside me I felt about as big as a flea. Or maybe the flea if fleas had fleas. Fuck me seemed to be the only thing that resonated through my head. He knew he had too. I really wasn’t that hard if you knew how to read people and given that my brother was a cop. My goose was all kinds of cooked. Slowly sinking back into my chair letting my legs stretch out ahead of me before rolling my head to face Butch. Shrugging both shoulders with a defeated smile- I’m at a point where I won’t even argue that point. And we both know how much I enjoy it. Safe to assume you have recieved the 411? -I couldn’t even hold my own brothers gaze for long without feeling more guilt, shame and disappointment than I ever had-
Butch
I hear bits and pieces but none of it from you aside from what you tried to pull earlier when you weren’t exactly ‘you’. I don’t know if I should feel hurt that you didn’t come to me or be thankful. Because I kinda needed a cool down period. -I picked up a paper from the desk, folded it in half and used it as a tooth pick- When did this all start? Cause I’m kinda fuzzy on that part. And… uh… How many are up there? -waving my hand around your head-
Piper
-I expected a slap upside the head when Butch’s hand lifted to circle mine, even cringing some and slinking down in my seat before I attempted to speak again. Did I even know where to start? Sucking in one last calm breath I leaned forward resting both elbows on my desk to bury my hands in my hair. A small whimper sneaking free as the first word breezed past my lips- I don’t honestly know. Maybe all along? I don’t know. -Pausing to swallow the lump in my throat and close my eyes the last thing anyone wanted was a sobbing sister- First it was Z….then I went out with Kisa…a simple girls night Of course when has me leaving ever been fucking simple. -Both hands dropped to the desk to push at some papers, anything to keep me distracted enough from letting the flood banks open- There was an accident. I wasn’t hurt….but a whole family -I let my eyes drift to Butch I could only imagine the pain that radiated from them- They…just. I tried to save them. but I couldn’t…I just. -I had to stop talking, my chest tightened so much so it actually hurt to draw in a breath- Then the blackouts started. They happened so fucking quickly…
Butch
-We had clearly gotten off on the wrong foot and I needed Piper to relax or this wasn’t going to work at all. I let out a heavy sigh and placed my hand on Piper’s shoulder- I’m not here to yell at you or turn you over my knee or whatever other kinda terrible thing you got tumbling round up in there. I mean I could start hollerin if that would make you feel better but I’m not really seeing where that would help anyone right now. -I patted Piper and let my hand drop again as I considered what you were saying.- I’m not some kind of picture of perfect mental health. I’ve had my own breakdowns cause of shit that I had done or seen. -I tapped my fingers on the desk trying to consider where I was going with all of this.- Have you stopped to consider that maybe all of these ‘other’ Pipers are just different sides of yourself?
Piper
So this is some fucked up family thing I should thank “Daddy” for? -A sudden rush of anger washed over me and for a second I almost directed it straight at my brother, even my hand flinched some before both pulled into tight fists and drew in a much needed calming breath- Other sides of me? So because I didn’t let out my Brady bunch mom or hooker side I’m now stuck being used by both? -I groaned low ashamed of my tone and even the loudness of my voice- I’m sorry Butch. I just wish everyone would just -Both hand lifted quickly to smack at the side of my head before digging into my hair again- shut the hell up for five fucking seconds I’d be…happy
Butch
Daddy?! Wait, no, hold the fuck up for a second here. No, I’m not blaming this on our dad. I’m saying that things happen to people and everyone has their braking point. You can get pissed about it all you want or you can learn how to deal with it. -I noticed the clenched fists and furrowed my brows- You want to hit me, Piper? -I leaned in and pointed to my cheek- Give it your best shot. -tapping the sweet spot with my finger- It will hurt like a bitch, specially if you throw your whole weight into it. -I stayed right where I was but continued on- You say they are using you. Have you ever tried to use them? -I turned to look at Piper straight on- I hear voices too ya know. Well, a voice but still. I’m not even going to suggest that you go the route that I did because… well, that aint a convo I’m having with ya. But it wasn’t easy.
Piper
Hit you? -Everyone chimed in at once, your offer seemed tempting to every single voice inside my head. Hannah chimed in first with a loud growled “DO IT”, next came Jules who didn’t share the others excitement but still even she struggled temptation. Yet still there was one more, a silent gleeful hum who chanted me on. My eyes squeezed shut as I mumbled- SHUT Up....-It took a few seconds but every did as I asked- I don’t want to hit you. And blaming him seems all too easy How do I use them? Look what happened the last time. I eye fucked your husband…then jail. Where do I even start?
Butch
-I slowly straightened back up when Piper turned down my offer at a free shot. I looked down at my finger and twisted my wedding band around it.- Yeah, lemme tell ya, that part was a lot of fun. I can only make suggestions. I don’t really know what will work for you. I am thinking that it’s important for your other sides to know the rules. Right now it’s more like they are behaving like children who’ve been kept in a box for years. -I reached up and scratched the back of my head as I thought about it- Maybe keep a journal so you know what’s what… I’m really not sure, sis. I just know that there are others out there with your problem and they lead function lives. Maybe some research is in order. Hell, I’d say that it’s definitely in order. You can’t be expected to come with some kind of handbook for this stuff.
Piper
-I could see the every emotion grace my brothers face as he spun his band, only cementing the need to keep others at bay. I never ever wanted to make him feel this way again. I couldn’t. Every fibre in my being ached to no end. I nodded slowly as you finished even flashing a small truthful smile- At least we have something else in common. Maybe we can break em all out and let them have a tea party. -I chuckled half jesting at the thought of my brother and I sipping tea around a table- I did…start trying to sort though. I talked to Phury earlier he even offered to take me to see a doc. -Lifting the small sheet of paper with a few numbers scrawled across it.- That’s a start right? And I really am sorry for what I did Butch.
Butch
-I understood the sentiment of having something in common with Piper but it really wasn’t the same kind of thing. My whole face fell just thinking about it- I know what you are getting at darlin, I really do, but… -I shook my head and stood up from the desk- My voice doesn’t have me eyefucking other people or even getting tossed in jail. Mine is… not like that. I’m glad that you are considering seeing someone about it though. That is a great idea and I’ll go with ya if you want. -I waved off Piper’s last comment- Let’s just promise each other it won’t happen again.
Piper
-No matter how hard I tried I kept saying the wrong thing, the tick in Butch’s jaw was a waving flag of annoyance. But I it wasn’t at me as much as…my actions? I groaned internally shifting as you rose to your feet, lifting my eyes to yours- I’d really like you to come with me, Butch. And do you think…maybe I could or we could do this again? -I motioned my hand between us, smiling- You know the whole brother sister thing, cause I have never felt more…scared -my head shook quickly- if that’s even the word I want…I just. I’d really like that
Butch
-I looked down at Piper and chewed the inside of my mouth just nodding- You always know where to find me. I might not be the biggest fan of sharing shit but I’ll definitely listen. I understand the fear thing but voices… well they can’t kill ya I know that’s not much but… If it could kill ya than the he woulda done that long ago. Omega’s not big on nice. So buck up buttercup. It’s not the end of the world. -I flashed a smile and leaned down to give Piper a hug-
Piper
-I opened my mouth to reply but the moment I felt Butch’s arm close around me I pretty much caved, giving every emotion I was holding in flood. I cried, ok sobbed a little, tightening my arms around you untill I needed to let go. Double checking the front of your shirt for any remanense before lifting my eyes to yours and giving both shoulders a shrug- I’d apologize for that but…it’s the hazard of being a brother to a human. -Cleaning off my face with a tisse smiling- I’m really lucky I found you. No matter what ever happens. Remember that. -Lifting a hand to punch your shoulder- Now shoo. I have a shrink to call and some research to do
Butch
-I eased into the hug that I was giving Piper as she started breaking down. I figured the very least I could do is be here for this kind of thing, even if it did make me really uncomfortable. It wasn’t something that I ever got to share with any of the family that I’d grown up with.- I kinda suck at this big brother thing. But I’m trying. -I stood back up and tugged at my shirt a bit.- No worries, it’s Rhage’s shirt anyway. -winking before turning to leave- Come find me when you get something figured out.
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