Nightmares and Realities

Vishous

Laying in bed, relaxed with my mind at ease, a slight grin in place on my lips as I play back the events of this morning through my mind. I could almost feel my male in my mouth again and that was the cause of the pleasurable groans that easily worked there way out of my lips. Rolling over I tucked the pillow in tightly under my head and my eye lids finally made contact with my face as I started to drift off. Usually my dreams were a mixture of wants and reality that rolled together to become one, hell up until recently, dreams were a foreign concept, what I was use to having were stark reality hits while I closed my eyes for a few shut eyes. When the first set of blurred images started to slowly swirl around in my minds sleep rattled brain, I simply fell in tune with it but soon wished I had pulled my lids back up when the blurriness settled into full memories. I could feel the constant throbbing in my gloved hand as it worked it’s way down my whole arm to my shoulder, the pain that originally had been in place when the flesh had been nailed in place had settled into a numbing effect. My eyes opened and there it all was again, the waste laying about sporadically, the growls and warrior cries from some of the men training and others that were simply placing a beat down on another that most likely had just looked the wrong way, and then I could hear screams of others that were ripping through the night air. “Fuck not this shit again “ My head hung in place as I repeated like a chant in my mind that this shit would vanish when I was smart enough to wake from it and put it back in it’s locked place in my brain. The sound of heavy boots crunching the earth beneath them,brought my head up and there he was, as I knew he would be. The Bloodletter was an impressive male, with his height and weight and build but that had nothing on the depth of pure twisted shit that permeated off him, it was that, that kept his men and enemy alike in tow.(The way I see it, I can’t kill you but I can use you while I have you) The words had no sooner been spoken then 10 of his males were on me, my limbs were being clawed and pulled at, as they released the bonds that kept me standing upright, only to be replaced with chains of the thickest kinds around them and the one that they locked firmly in place around my neck was the one that brought the fight out in me. Throwing my weak arm out with the chains clasped around my wrist I could feel the metal making contact with solid form only to have the same chains yanked back with enough force to bring me face down with the dirt and a rush of air left me in the impact. Turning my head to the side was all I could manage as they pulled and pined my arms behind my back and my legs were being held down as there roughly made boots grinded into my calves. Spitting some of the dirt and blood from my mouth, I turned white iris’s to the bastard standing over me “ What games do you have in store now, I like rough play so this shit here is foreplay to me “ I felt my body jerk hard, whether it was in the grips of the nightmare or my actual form that was safe in bed at the pit, I didn’t know, but I knew the why of it. The next series of fucked up shit were the beginning of the real torture I was subjected to at his hands, these were the marks that cut me up inside and didn’t heal like the flesh wounds.

I sat bolt up straight in the bed, my chest rising and falling in rapid succession as I tried like a mother fucker to catch the breaths that wanted to elude me. My hands gripped the sheets in an attempt to grab onto something solid from this realm, something that was only of this world and not the one that came so vividly in my sleep. I knew I was back, but still the need to sweep the room for signs of the camp was too strong in me and I let my eyes connect with every corner of the square foot area, taking in the furniture, clothes that lay haphazardly over chairs I even locked onto the simple saint medallion of Butch’s that hung from it’s chain over the lamp shade by the bed. Finally feeling the air coming and going easier in my chest, I release my hold on the bedding and rake my leather clad hand down down my face, only to hold it out in front of my face. It was as much apart of me as the heart that beat in my chest but unlike the heart, it was one of those proverbial double edged swords, a curse and a gift some call it. Shaking my head some, trying to dispel the images that were intricately burned into every part of it, I gave up and moved effortlessly from the bed. My hard muscled legs stalked across the room and I grabbed up the discarded clothes from the chair and pulled them on, along with my shitkickers. I had somewhere to go and had been putting it off long enough, but now the time had come to show up on the other side. I was almost ready to start the chant that would transcend me there when I stopped immediately “ Fuck, I’ll txt this shit “ Grabbing up my phone from the bed side table, I did a quick message to Butch ’ Went to have a one on one with the SV, don’t wigg on me, I will be back. I Love you Nallum ’ I hit send and dropped the phone back down on the table. I was about to turn away when the medallion glinted in the soft lamp light and I took it from the shade and held it tightly in my hand, I knew sending the txt was a shit way for me telling him where I was going, but with his stubborn ass he would demand to go and stand with me and this shit was unpredictable at best and I didn’t want Butch anywhere near it. So I kept the saint in my grip and made the assent to the other side, she would be waiting for me but I had more then just that reason for going there.

The blinding whiteness would have shocked another’s eyes, but I didn’t even blink when I stood there inside the double doors of the SV sanctuary. Her ram stiff posture was the first thing I noticed, a snort almost came out just seeing it. I should have known there would be no sign of regret in her, but fuck after that shit she put in place, even one with barely a conscience would have some signs of it. When she spoke, it was clear and precise with a hint of anger radiating under the surface and that only made my own spine stiffen harder. (Vishous, there is no point in the verbal sparring that is raging in your head at the moment. You are back, albeit under circumstances that are being questioned but back none the less) I woulda swore she took a breath after that but I could have imagined it. “ My reason for coming, is to make sure you know now that I will not be your whore, I think that sums it up “ Shrugging my broad shoulders some, I continued on “ Your actions didn’t break me or bend me to your wishes, but you knew that.” Her hooded head barely moved as she stepped forward, my own feet staying rooted where they was, I just watched and waited to see what was done next, but she stopped and retracted her steps back as if she second guessed her own moves. (It was never meant to break you, Vishous. Only to get you to see reason of what needed to come to pass) I almost barked out a laugh at that last part but I refrained quickly enough. “ Either way, now you know I will have this one thing that is mine, even against your blessings, which I could give two fucks about.” I had to shake my head at my own stupidity, now was not the time to go running off at the mouth. “I have said all that I need to, now I have need of the books. I will not say bye as I leave, which I’m sure you understand “ I turned to leave and was standing almost nose to nose with the exit, but her words stopped me in my tracks. (I know you will not believe this, but for which you seek in the books, was never to be apart of this, I know that means nothing to you, but I felt it needed to be said) I didn’t turn around, the rawness of my anger was beating too rampantly close to the surface and I wasn’t sure I could control the actions that would come into play if I turned my eyes on her at this second. I forced the words to come out low and dead through tight thinned out lips “ Your right, it means nothing to me and I don’t believe it “ With that I walked out, I knew she knew the full extent of all the events but still just hearing her refer to them was almost too fucking much in my head. My booted feet made their way to the room that encased the pages I needed, not sure what I expected to be written in them but I had to read them. I walked down the neatly perfect isles, the dates of coarse in exact order, I stopped as I seen the #s of the one I needed and my hand started to shake as I reached up and pulled it off the shelf. I gripped it with both hands and stayed where I was with it, after several long drawn out seconds, I pushed back the hard covering and rummaged through the entry dates until once again I found what I looked for. My chest constricted like someones steel hands were inside me squeezing the life out of me and I staggered back against the immobile book casing as I read and re read the words, all of it was here, the # count, ages and fuck even the names, only thing that was not there was the how or why. My head dropped a degree and I closed the pages back up, pushing my self away from the object that held me up, I replaced the book in its exact spot and I noticed the metal still firmly laying in my palm, the chain woven through my fingers. Seeing it there made me realize the need to bury this deeper then anything else in me ever had been before, it wasn’t up for debate, it was a cold fucked up fact. Gripping my hand shut at the same time my eyes did, I rolled the words off my tongue that had me standing back in the same spot I left in the Pit. I felt that all too consuming urge to drown my head in emptiness and I grabbed as many bottles of Goose, that I could fit in my hands and arms and made my way to the caves.