Christmas Past

Butch

-Three years ago around this time you would find me in my favorite bar trying to unwind after a long day of work. I had a booth in the far corner where I could watch everything while I drown out the nightmares of what I’d seen. This time I’d pushed someone too far and I was on suspension. Normally I would already be three sheets to the wind right now but I had other things to think about then the job. A whole new world had been opened up in front of me and I was still coming to terms with the fact that there really was such a thing as vampires. And now here I was living with a house full of them with no where else to go. It had been a not so subtle hint that I shouldn’t try to leave. I wasn’t stupid, I knew that what they were was a secret and I would take it to my grave. No one would believe me anyway. I was a human among vampires. Like some bad frickin teen show. I was useless in a war that I actually wanted to help with. There was only one reason why I hadn’t tried to flee and he lived across the hall from me. Somewhere along the way I had formed a quick friendship with the vampire that everyone else tended to stay away from. I wasn’t someone that made friends with anyone and I was sure the case was the same with him. The bar went suddenly quite and I looked up from the amber liquid in my glass to see him enter the room. He tried not to bring attention to himself by hiding his face with his hat pulled down low. There was an aura about him that could not be ignored, a commanding presence that made everyone stop what they were doing and take notice. There was no hiding for him, he had to resort to tricks of the mind to make others forget that he was ever there. I was drawn in just as easily as the rest and I wasn’t exactly sure what that said about me. It was a pull that I felt to the very fiber of my being I didn’t know how I was going to tell him what I needed to tell him. I watched the way he moved through the room. Anyone who knew anything about the subject could tell that this guy was a well oiled fighting machine. Every step held the grace of a dancer and nothing was beyond his notice. His gaze settled on me and I could feel a shiver run down my back. He knew why I was here, he knew that I’d been avoiding him and he was probably here to drag me back. I looked back down at my drink and rolled the glass back and forth. He slid into the booth next to me without saying a word and raised his hand for a drink. We sat in silence for a long time until I finally couldn’t take it any longer.- I have to go, Vishous. ‘That’s bullshit.’ -He didn’t even wait for me to finish my thought. My head slumped even further and I ran my fingers through my hair.- Look, you think I haven’t thought about this? You’re my best friend… my only fuckin friend… I can’t sit back and watch while you guys do all of the heavy lifting. -I paused to fumble inside my coat for a stick of gum. I was fully prepared to ramble on through all of the reasons why I couldn’t stick around when I felt a hand land on mine. My heart jumped up into my throat and I stared down at the other reason why I had to go. I didn’t know what to do with all of the emotions that this very alpha male stirred in me. Don’t look at his eyes, don’t look at his eyes… Ah fuck… I fell easily into the crystal clear depths and there was that secret part of me that wanted to stay there. He was talking again but I wasn’t hearing what he said, the pounding of my heart was blocking out everything else. I opened my mouth to repeat what I had said when I actually heard was he was trying to tell me. I wouldn’t be allowed to walk away, I knew too much. And of course it fell to Vishous to take care of that particular security risk. My back straightened up and I blinked a few times.- You would have to kill me… -To his credit, nothing showed on his features. At least not that anyone else would see. I knew him better than that. I saw the tic in the corner of his eye.- ‘Damn it, Cop. Use your head for a minute here. This is not the way.’ -His thumb ran over the pulse in my wrist. In that way that only he could, he calmed me to the point of almost falling asleep.- Vishous… -I slumped back against him and didn’t even stop to think about the oddity of us being so close. It was so easy to just relax there against him, he was the solid wall that held me up.- ‘I’m not giving you up that easily. Give me some time. I’m working on something.’ -I straightened back up and turned to look at my best friend. I didn’t want to leave him but I was scared to death of what I would do if I stayed. I could feel the spark between us, you had to be dead not to know that there was something there. To this day I couldn’t tell you who leaned forward first all I know was that our lips met somewhere in the middle. His lips were much softer than I thought they would be. I didn’t even care that we were in a crowded bar right now, not that any of these people would ever remember Vishous. Here it was just me and him and the rest of the world melted away. My tongue slid out and tentatively traced his lips. There was no mistaking who and what I was kissing right now, I could feel the facial hair brush over my lips. There was a moan, I didn’t know if it was his or mine but it struck that cord inside me like a lightning bolt. And just like touching the flame, I jerked back. It took me awhile to steady my breath. I couldn’t look at him. Why did I do that? We were fine being best friends and now it was awkward. I downed the last of my Lag in front of me and got up.- I gotta go. I’ll see you later. -I bolted out of there so fast you would have thought that someone was chasing me with a baseball bat. And speaking of baseball bats… I was carrying one around in my pants right now.- Fuuuuck… -I didn’t stop until I was in the Escalade. I sat there slumped over the steering wheel trying to think of anything other than him sliding in the seat next to me. The smell of him was thick in this vehicle that we shared. I could feel it wrap around as if the male had taken me into his arms. My mind spun through what that would be like to let go of all of my fears and jump in with both feet. I’d given myself a million reasons not to go down that road. He wasn’t that kind of a guy, I would only end up with a broken heart, I would lose my best friend… And the biggest of all reasons to run as far and as fast as I could, I wasn’t gay. The horn went off loudly and snapped me out of the hole that I was falling down. My fingers fumbled with the keys and I had the SUV shooting out of there. I didn’t know where I was going at first, I was just driving to get away. But it was too damn hard to actually get away from thoughts in your head. I found myself in front of a church. Lot’s of people were pouring through the doors and it took me a moment to remember why. It was Christmas… How had I forgotten that?! Was I so wrapped up in my own little world that I’d completely spaced this time of year? My mother would tan my ass if she knew how long it had been since I’d stepped foot in a church. My feet carried me inside without even sparing another thought to it. The sense of peace settled over me immediately. Everything that had been tumbling around in my brain flatlined and I could see it all clearly without the rampant emotions that had confused it all. I was running from something that might never happen in the first place. What I was really running from was my own feelings. Of course one trip to church didn’t give me some kind of grand revelation on how to fix this but I could face it now. I wasn’t even sure there was a way to fix any of it and maybe it wasn’t broken in the first place. V and I worked, at the end of the day, we worked. I trusted him with my life, that was never a question for me. I stayed through the whole service and left the church feeling at ease within my own head. Whatever was going to come was going to come and running from it wasn’t going to help anything. He knew where to find me, he could find me anywhere I went no matter how far I ran anyway. And I had a feeling that he would too… he wasn’t just going to let me go. I stopped at the Escalade and carefully unwrapped a stick of gum. I wasn’t shaking anymore, that had to be a good sign. I got back into the SUV and drove slowly back toward the mansion. I was still so lost in thought that I wasn’t rushing anything right now. From the corner of my eye I caught something that had me turning the vehicle around for another look. My heart rate jumped up and I hoped that I really didn’t see what I thought I did.- Shit, shit, SHIT! -I stopped the car and jumped out with my guns in my hands. I didn’t even need to think about what it might look like to stand there in the middle of the street unloading round after round into the backs of two lesser that had a very scared vampire cornered in an alley. I freaked them the fuck out to say the least, they hadn’t expected to be interrupted and here I was breaking up their little party. Shooting at them only served to piss ‘em off really but at least I got them away from the other guy. What I really needed right now was back up. I took cover behind a dumpster and pulled out my phone. As soon as I saw the time I cursed… loudly. I dialed the one number I would always call when in a pinch like this but I knew that I was screwed. I knew that he would never get here in time, the sun would beat him to it. I left the phone on and dropped it in my pocket before leaning out and shouting at the vampire huddled in the corner.- Go on! Get out of here! You have to, it’s your only chance. -He must have understood me because I could see him close his eyes and try to calm down enough to demat. My job was to keep the attention of the lesser long enough for him to get away. And then… well and then I was fucked good and proper. I knew it already, I really didn’t need a van load of more lesser popping up behind me to drill that one home. I fought as hard as I could though, I was no easy target like that other poor guy was. But in the end it didn’t matter, I was human and they weren’t, not to mention the fact that I was severely out numbered. It’s a blessing that I don’t remember what happened to me after they took me. Every once in a while I will get a flash of it and wake up from a dead sleep screaming all over again. I know enough by the state that body was in. That was the first time that I visited death’s door but it would not be the last. I woke up in a field of snow without a strip of clothing on. I should be cold, I should be dead but I wasn’t. I surrounded in warmth and it took me a minute to realize where it came from. My eyes refused to open properly but when they finally did I looked up into the diamond eyes of Vishous. I couldn’t move, everything in me hurt, but he had me. Tears streamed down my face and the image of him soon fogged completely but I could still feel his arms around me. In that moment I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt what I had been hiding inside myself for so long… I was in love with Vishous.-