Fallout

Vishous

Stretching out with my eyes still closed, for a second all was good and right before I slid my leg over to the empty spot in the bed and I bolted up in the bed. The room was dark and as I lay my hand down on the mattress beside me I knew it hadn’t been occupied in a while by the loss of warmth. I was out of bed and going through the Pit searching and even as I did I knew I was there alone. The last place I checked was my control room and there was a piece of paper with a simple note. I read the words I processed them simple enough and still yet I was not any more relaxed in mind than I was when I woke to the emptiness beside me. I shook my head and sit down in my chair, at first I went through the routine of going over the monitors, double checking the perimeter cams and the ones outlining around the Manse. Right now I just wanted the racing in my veins to slow, but the regular checks and another glance at the note wasn’t hitting that desired effect. Pushing back in the chair I got up and left the room, this was wrong and I felt it deep in my marrow. I was wrong, Butch was back shit was good again but yet my head couldn’t catch up with that logic. Raking my hand roughly through my hair I growled in extreme annoyance Stepping back in the bedroom I looked at our shared bed and a pure bolt of anger shot through me. My hands clinched up and before I knew what I was doing I had grabbed my regular gear and clothes and was dressed and out the door of the Pit in record time. As I made my way down through the tunnels towards the underground garage I was already sending a short txt to Butch. (Got to head out, be back before sunrise, Your V) Shoving my phone in my jacket pocket I got in the Escalade and pulled out of the safety of the Manse and left the grounds as if the fucking place was trying to eat me whole. My hands gripping the steering wheel I used my mind and in no time the stereo was blaring out some DMX. I needed to shut my mind down, stop the constant cycle it was hell bent on staying on. I repeated to myself ‘All shit was good’ in my head as if it was some life line that could anchor me in place. But no matter how many times I said it, it didn’t matter, it didn’t sink in and it sure as fuck didn’t calm the storm raging inside of me. As always I was surrounded in my Mhis and the traffic lights followed my commands, making the drive into town easy as fuck but all too damn short. I slowed down and pulled up along the street and parked, I didn’t move to get out; I didn’t even move to turn the ignition off or the beats booming out of the surround sound speakers. I did however look out the windshield, there wasn’t much activity on the street. It was dark and late and a work night on top of that, so mostly only those with little life would be out and about in this part of town. I almost put the Escalde in drive and turned around and headed back to the Manse, I had a wave of guilt float through me for leaving like I did. But I knew myself well enough to know that going back in the state of mind that I was in at the moment was not only bad but dangerous. I was spiraling, going down and I had to figure this out. I punched the next song on the mixed CD I had in, and as if the fucking music wanted to piss me off more, the song ‘Closer’ pounds through the enclosed space. My eyes glowed fiercely and my hand vibrated under the surge of power that seared through me. Everything in that moment hit me like that proverbial ton of brick shit.Control, it always fucking came back to that. My bitch of a mother took it away from me the moment of my conception and my bastard of a father took it away from the second he received me at the tender age of 3. Now here I am centuries later, many human lifetimes of fighting, gaining and keeping control of all things and beings around me to only feel that the one thing I wanted and strived to keep in control ‘Me’ was out of that cursed word. The only thing I had depended on was my Brothers, and that was only to the point of having my back in the field, all other aspects I dealt and kept nice and neat and within the palm of my hand. I set the boundaries, I said when, who and how much and how long or far. Now another is holding that, Butch. The leaving had fucked me over in more ways than I thought possible. So damn long I had lived life on my terms and then months ago I turned and found something I would have sworn was never possible. For the first time I had laid open my insides, fears, doubts, wants and needs. The near constant fighting to keep that bond from all the clusterfucks of outside forces that demanded and tried to keep me and my male apart. But this time it wasn’t an outside force, this time it was within the place I called a home that tore at us. I did try to work it in my head that this was what had needed to be done on Butch’s part. Still yet in my complex mind it was and always kept coming back to the male walking out on not only me but us. He chose of his own accord to leave, it wasn’t the Omega fuck or the damn Scribe Virgin that pulled us apart. And I couldn’t stop it, couldn’t do any recon on it to clean up the mess, simply put Butch had the control. When the male walked out so did my control, no fighting, no killing, no demands from me could stop it. And that right there is what was driving a nail into my head, at any time I could be back where I had once been by no choice or decision of my own but most definitely more scarred than any bodily marks I now bore. The inside wounds were raw, oozing and I couldn’t find the salve to repair the damage done internally. I wanted to go back to mere weeks ago, when it was simple, get up feeling good, and go to bed exhausted, satisfied and whole with the knowledge I would have exactly that again the next time my eyes opened. My head dropped to the steering wheel, for the first time I felt tired, as if the energy that coursed through me had seeped out. Even after the living hell of being returned to the Bloodletters camp, tied, tortured and drained, I still felt the unnerving fight in me. I fought with everything in me to make it back to Butch, the knowledge that he was waiting and wanting me was enough to keep me going. And when I made it back, all I wanted was to hole up in that safe cocoon of being with him, even with the nightmares and knowing of what I had done back at the fucked camp. Pulling my head up I gave one last look out the window and turned the Escalade off, I had to right things, fix shit inside my head and find my footing again. I had the door open and was heading into the alley with one set of plans in my head. It was easy enough, the Lessers fought, a few even made me break a sweat and got in some good shots but in the end I did get what I wanted. Taking out the easy ones I saved the last hard hitting one and took his ass down and before he knew what hit him, I had him knocked the fuck out and bound and gagged. The drive to the Penthouse was done in determination and more ease of mind than was sane. I made the same tracks as I did the last time, only difference was this one wasn’t as large as the other. The fucker even had enough bad sense to wake up as I was locking the steel cuffs around his ankles. Strung up with arms over head and suspended from chains hanging from the ceiling and gag in place, all that could be done by the bastard was shake and grunt. Just as I wanted it and as it will stay until I choose to change the matter. Grinning wickedly I eyed the bindings and even tested them one last time before flashing a devil may care wink at the fucker before leaving. I left the secured Penthouse and got back in the Escalde, I can do this, and shove shit back in the place the way it’s supposed to be and not fuck it all up in the process.