Memories

Butch

-I pulled up in front of Darius’s place and I couldn’t help but think about the last time that I was here. I’d just inhaled some lesser and I was hiding out from the sun in the closest place that I could think of. My first call should have been to Vishous but at the time I was fighting with conflicting emotions. I was only just then coming to realization that my feelings for the male far exceeded that of a simple friendship. I could still remember the fierce streak of jealously that tore through me when I thought of the female that he had taken up with. I got out of the SUV and as soon as I walked through the door my head turned to the spot that we had ended up at on the floor. I could almost feel the beating that I’d taken that night. I was so angry. It felt like I had missed my shot. I’d lashed out at his snarky comments and gotten my face busted for the effort. Laying there on top of him, broken and bloody, I’d taken my chance and kissed him. Those luscious lips that I knew intimately now. A shiver ran through me even now, just thinking about it. He had that effect on me. I moved through the mansion, letting my feet take me where they would. It somehow seemed right that I was coming here, it was here that I’d met V for the first time. I could see him standing there with the very hat that I was wearing now. I continued walking and I soon found myself on the second floor standing at the entrance to the bedroom that we had shared. I set my bags in the closet and drew the heavy curtains closed tightly. This was were I would be staying. There really was no other choice in my mind. It had been a long time since I had gotten a decent days sleep and I was sure that this wouldn’t be any different but I laid down on the bed none the less. I took the Sox cap off and set it on the pillow next to me. If I stretched my imagination I could almost see him there. After staring at the ceiling until I had inch of it memorized, I took out my phone and texted Vishous.- I love you and I always will. I miss you already. ~B -I hit send and set the phone down. I knew that it wasn’t any kind of help to him but I’d made a promise to myself that I would at least try to keep in touch. I wasn’t even sure if he would want me back after this or if things between us would ever be the same. I didn’t want to do this to him. I wasn’t running from him but I was sure that’s what it looked like. There was no helping it, I’d made the decision and I needed to follow through with it.-

V

I had sit there for more hours than I knew on the hard cold ground in the Brotherhoods caves with my back leaning against the jagged stones and unclear eyes fixated on the alter in front of me. It seemed so long ago that we all had stood in this cavern initiating Butch into the Brotherhood, fuck I was so damn proud that day to have such a male stand with us. It wasn’t only pride that coursed through me, even then I loved the male, just couldn’t admit it, maybe for fear of rejection I was sure to come from the Brother or hell just straight fear to care that damn much for another. I could easily remember how it felt to only be able to watch the Cop from a distance and keep what I had inside me locked down. Never had I felt such strong desire to feel another and to be touched but always I denied myself that, sure beyond anything that the same would not be reciprocated. It wasn’t until that smart ass mouth came shooting off that night in the Pit so many months ago that I had said fuck it all and walked into the Males bedroom and into what I had been craving. Now after all that I sit alone retreating into my own mind, back into what I had created around myself centuries ago, almost from the moment I had wailed and took my first breath. My head dropped forward and I looked at the mixture of black lesser blood and mine dried on my hands. This I knew through and through, this I could handle with ease and no thinking, no feeling involved. I barely felt as my wounds mended themselves in almost record time thanks to the recent feeding but I did feel easy enough another blood of the Cops coursing through my veins. I growled in anger and pulled my blade back out from my holster and without even thinking I cut two straight lines from elbow to wrist in both arms. Dropping my head back against the rock I just laid my arms out flat and inhaled slowly as the warmth seeped down over the sides of my arms. The thoughts seemed to clear in my head and I let my lids lower while I zoned in. Fighting was what came into sharp focus, obliterating any Lessers that came into my vicinity, it might not be much but it was something to grasp onto. All too soon the slits in my arm started to seal back up and I raised my head to scan the walls that were lined with jars and I pulled my phone out from my jacket pocket. It was no surprise there wasn’t a signal down here but it gave me an idea how long I had been here even though I didn’t need the clock to tell me night had fallen once again. I pushed up off the floor and stood up, one last look at the alter and I made my way through the caves tunnels and using the car I thieved I drove to the manse. I left it out front and heading inside through the double doors and making my way up the winding staircase to the last guest room on the right. No fucking way was I going to the Pit, this would have to do, I went into the open bathroom and stripped the blood dried ripped clothes from me. I turned towards the bath and heard the alerting sound of my phone; grabbing it up I read the txt from Butch and just set the phone down on the counter and stepped into the shower. My head bowed down under the steaming hot spray and braced my palms against the smooth tile walls. I watched as the ceramic floor beneath me ran with a mixture of brown and black filthy water towards the swirling drain, it seemed fitting with how I felt inside, filth, black void and the txt words only wrapped around that and drove it deeper into my core.

Butch

-I hopped into the Escalade and made a long drive that I didn’t think I would ever make again. I didn’t bother to call ahead, I already knew that I wouldn’t be welcome but it was Thanksgiving. I blared the music all the way there trying to calm myself. I looked to the empty seat beside me. I should be bringing my husband with me. Boy wouldn’t that flip their lids. Just picturing the image brought a smile to my face. Happy Thanksgiving, heart attacks for everyone. I drove slowly by the house of my childhood. Here was where it had all started. I could almost see the twelve you old me looking out the window, scared shitless, not knowing what was going on but knowing that it was something bad. The house was still there but that was pretty much the only thing that was the same. I know that I sure wasn’t the same. I parked across the street from Joyce’s house and just watched the figures moving around inside for awhile before finally getting up the nerve to get out. I straightened my suit, dusted my loafers off and walked across the street. I knocked on the door and just waited, almost hoping that they wouldn’t answer and I could just drive back to Caldwell. When the door opened finally did open, I found myself face to face with Mike Rafferty, my sister’s husband and my one-time best friend. ‘Butch?! What are you doing here?’ The shock on his face was almost painful if I hadn’t been expecting it.- It’s nice to see you too, Mike. Am I allowed inside or should I just go? -I knew they’d picked up my mother from the old folks home and I hadn’t seen her in far too long. Last time I tried I’d ended up with a needle full of Omega… hadn’t gone so well… Mike stumbled over his words but he finally did let me in. ‘You’re looking well, Butch.’ He looked up and down me, no doubt realizing that I wasn’t anywhere near the size that I used to be.- Yeah, I’ve been… working out. -Good cover, dipshit. I’m sure that will ease his mind when it comes to the fact that you’re taller now. Whatever… let him think what he wanted. Walking into the living room earned me a collective gasp. I’m pretty sure most had assumed that I was dead. At least my mother seemed happy to see me. I ignored the rest of the group and made my way over to Odell O’Neal and crouched down next to her comfortable chair.- Happy Thanksgiving, mom. -I returned her warm smile and took her hand in mine. It was actually very nice to see her even if she was out of her mind half the time. I wondered if that was something that I got from her or something that I did to myself. ‘You are the spitting image of your father.’ I turned to see if the rest of the room caught that. It seemed that they had because they were all just as confused as I was. I leaned closer and spoke in a hushed voice that I hoped she could hear.-Come on mom, you know I don’t look anything like dad. -She patted my hand like I was being a fool. ‘I’m not talking about Eddie. That’s probably why he never really took to ya.’ I stumbled backward and thanked the maker that there was a stool that I could plant my ass on. The whole room had gone silent. There was no way that they hadn’t heard that one and holy shit I was glad that dad… err… Eddie… wasn’t here right now. Odell looked around the room once and finally chose to speak up. ‘Surely you all noticed that he doesn’t look anything like the rest of you. I thought you’d had it figured out by now.’ Oh for the honestly of old people. Seemed like once you hit a certain age you just stopped giving a fuck what people thought about you. ‘Where’s the pie? I’ve been itching for that all night.’ Just like that, mother switched tracks, and it was eerily familiar. It seemed to get some feet moving at least. Joyce gave me a strange look and just kind of handed me her newborn son. I seemed to remember his name being Sean. He was a cute little thing and I had a few awkward moments there were I tried to figure out how exactly to hold the small bundle. Seemed like I was just getting used to little guy when my sister came back in and traded him for piece of pie. I smiled up at her and thanked her. I held the plate in my left hand and I heard another collective gasp. The bite was almost to my mouth and I stopped to try to figure out what had flown up their ass now. Joyce pointed to my finger and mumbled. ‘You got married.’ Ooooh that… I glanced down at my ring and smiled.- Yes. I most certainly did. Bet you never pegged me for it. -Of course that earned me a round of ‘when do we get to meet her’ and ‘why didn’t you bring her with you’- I wasn’t even sure that you would let me through the door. Maybe we will save that for some other time. -I might be willing to introduce Vishous to my mother but that didn’t mean that I would subject him to the rest of the O’Neal clan. When they seemed to relax around me they started asking all of the obvious questions. What I was doing, where I was staying, what had happened with the detective gig? I was as vague as fucking possible. Made up some shit about freelancing and keeping busy. They could see from the clothes that I was doing well, that’s all they needed to know. It was getting late and I needed to split before the sun became an issue. Mom had passed out in the corner long ago and she was really the only one that I’d come to see. Though I admit, it hadn’t gone as terrible as I thought it would. I thanked Joyce for the pie and grabbed my coat by the door. Mike followed me to the Escalade and I lit up a cigarette as soon as I was out of the house. ‘It really was good to see you again, Butch. Maybe you could bring your wife over for Christmas. Meet the family.’ I blew out a large exhale of smoke and rested my hand on the door handle.- I didn’t marry a female, Mike. So no… no I won’t be bringing my husband here to sit through that kind of judgement. And don’t you mention it to Joyce either. Let her think what she wants, it’s better that way. -To say he was shocked was putting it mildly but he nodded his head in agreement and practically ran back into the house. I had a good laugh at that and got into the SUV for the mad dash back to Caldwell before the sun rose.-