Butch
-I pressed my lips to V’s forehead and rolled out of bed. It had been too bad that we hadn’t actually been able to kick back at the club last night. I couldn’t even remember the last time we’d been to that place and it used to be a regular fucking thing. Course that was back when we were chasing ten kinds of demons with a fuck load of alcohol. I couldn’t help but think that was probably why Z was there too. I didn’t know exactly what had happened but I understood now how the mind could play some fucked up tricks on you. Kinda funny how a guy like me who had chased down murderers could come to understand what would bring on a horrible accident like that. I pulled on a t-shirt and a pair of jeans and did the zombie walk to the coffee. I’d promised Z that we would do some more talking about shit but that sure as fuck had never been a strong suit for me. I wondered if my own struggle would even help the Brother. Maybe just talking about stuff would help me too. Wasn’t the same when I was talking with V, that was easy, free-flowing and he’d walked down the roads with me. He knew the shit we had gone through to be together and all the other mess along the way. I grabbed a sheet of paper from V’s desk and left him a note: Went to talk to Z. You’re more than welcome to join. Love you. ~B. I made a stop by the kitchen on my way and loaded a tray up with food. I was pretty sure I’d only ever seen Z eat apples so there were a couple in the mix. I had to perform some fancy balancing act to manage a knock on the door while not losing everything to the ground. Half the time I wondered if the guy was even around. He seemed to keep hidden away. No way to live in a place full of people. I knew that shit first hand. I tried knocking again, this time giving up on balancing the tray and just setting it on the floor.- Yo, Z. You in there? Come on man, lemme in.
Zsadist
[Sitting in the corner of my room with a dagger in hand I start tossing the blade up into the air, catching it on the downfall. My black eyes flash up as I hear a knock at the door. Slowly they narrow wondering who would be fucking stupid enough to bother me. Fritz knows not to come into my room. As I hear Butch’s voice on the other then I throw the blade watching it stab the dry wall, the hilt vibrating. Slowly I stand before walking to the door. My shitkickers pounding with each step. Leaving the blade in the wall I open the door meeting Butch’s hazel eyes with my black ones] what the fuck do you think your doing? [Snarls, feeling my fangs elongate]
Butch
-I picked the tray back up when I heard the door being opened and stood back up to face off with angry Z that everyone had gotten so used to dealing with.- I’d like take a moment of your time to tell ya about Jesus. -Glancing down at the tray and back up again- Wait, no. ~Room service~ Don’t like that one either? How bout cutting a guy some slack and just letting me the fuck in?
Zsadist
[Growls my eyes still narrowed] don’t got time for your catholic ass [Wrinkles nose at the tray of food] if your thinking I’m eating that shit you have gone bat shit crazy[Crosses my arms] why you wanna come in here huh? [Not understanding this one at all..knowing no brother ever wants to come into my room]
Butch
-Rolling my eyes and huffing. Oh yeah, this was going to be fun. I might as well stab myself and get this over with.- It’s called sarcasm, Z. And the food isn’t for you, it’s for me. You can have the apples though. -tossing you one- Did you just have a full on brain fart and forget that we said we were going to talk? Or are you purposely being an ass just cause that’s your default?
Zsadist
[Catches the apple with one hand inspecting it thoroughly before looking at you] I fucking remembered, I’m not stupid. Just didn’t know you were serious [Knowing that people in this house steer clear from me. Sighing I bite into the apple before kicking the door open with my foot] fine fucking come in but don’t you dare complain about anything [turning away from you and walking back towards my pallet. The dark and freezing cold room I was immune to but you would find it uncomfortable Sitting down on the hard surface I let my eyes flicker to the skull before looking at you, taking another bite from the apple]
Butch
Didn’t say you were stupid. And I kinda take offence to the fact that you think I would joke about something like that. It’s not like I walk around with a billboard displaying all my shit to the world. -I stepped just inside the door when you moved back and bumped it closed.- Am I wasting my time here? Cause I could just go shove an ice pick in my eye and maybe have more fun with it. -I stood there even after you sat down, just holding the tray of food.- I’m not gonna be the one making all the effort here.
Zsadist
I invited you in didn’t I? [Narrows eyes, locking mine on yours] if I wasn’t gonna talk I would of slammed the door in your face [Takes a bite from the apple] your in my room now.. show some respect and sit down.. [Licks juice from my lips]
Butch
Gosh, since you asked so nicely, I think I will sit thank you. -I crossed my legs at the feet and dropped to the ground in one smooth motion with the tray still in my hands, propping my back against the door. I twisted a bit to set the tray on the ground and grabbed up a piece of bacon. I munched on it while I looked over at you and took in the room. I remembered coming in here once before with V but those were different circumstances. I saw that skull seemed to be in the same spot though.- Does that thing talk to you? -Pointing at the gruesome decor and then circling my hand to the back of my own head.- Like right back here, talk to you.
Zsadist
[When you comment about the skull I start to growl but then understands you weren’t cracking a joke when you point to your head and the growling stops. Closing my eyes knowing your getting real deep into shit tonight, running my palm over my skull trim before saying] it’s a reminder.. [Sets aside the apple core, opening my eyes to meet yours not really knowing what else to say about it. Knowing I needed it or the nightmares would be ten times worst]
Butch
-I nodded and wiped my fingers off on my pants.- I get that. -Picking up a bottled water and twisting the cap off- You got it though, whatever it was. That’s a good thing. -Taking a drink and tilting my head as I look at the skull.- You ever thought of throwing it out? Maybe setting it on fire. Ooohhh! I know! Crushing it to a fine dust.
Zsadist
[Closes my eyes again and shakes my head slowly knowing you have no idea what this skull is, my voice rough as I say] so many times have I’ve tried to…[Swallows] destroy it but I can’t.. I.. can’t [Places a hand over my face feeling a tremble run through me. That thought of her coming back always in the back of my mind]
Butch
-I ran my tongue over my teeth and cleared my throat before talking again.- I actually do have one of them neat little voices in the back of my head that pops up at fun times to remind you of nightmares you would rather forget. -I reached into my pocket and pulled out a smoke, lighting up without even bothering to ask if you cared or not.- Did you know that I actually was a lesser for a time there? Hell, I was the goddamned forelesser.
Zsadist
[Scrubbing my face slowly as I nod, my fingers running back and forth over my lips]I.. know [Turns my head away from you to look at the skull. My eyes running up the length of it before I tilt my head back to look at the ceiling, that stinging in my eyes coming back and if my voice couldn’t get any rougher… it does] That voice… it sucks… and it tells me that she is still out there… waiting to capture me again… why I made sure I brought something back as a reminder when I killed her because if I didn’t.. I would of thought that there was some way she survived..[Closes eyes as my shoulders shake] Though even with the evidence right here… on my darkest days I still believe that… shes out there [With a shaky hand I grasp the skull and brings it to my chest, feeling something unfamiliar build up inside of me]
Butch
So you keep the skull to remind yourself that she’s dead. -nodding my head-Honestly, there’s a part of me that envies you that. -pointing at the skull- You actually have some physical of the beast that reminds you that you kicked its ass.-taking a long drag on my cigarette and tapping the ash in a tray that I brought-Me… I get to suck in more and more of the evil. Tell me again how we are so different.
Zsadist
[Blinks rapidly then sets the skull aside before laying flat on the pallet, eyes going back to looking up at the ceiling knowing Butch is making some valid points that maybe were not so different.. I mean.. he was captured but different things were done to him…the shit that I had done to me.. humiliating.. rape. That word stops my thinking process as I click two and two together… janie… hm maybe butch would have some sympathy towards me but did I really want that… no. I didn’t want some sad sap pity party but maybe more as an hey I understand.. then again butch was never raped himself.. not that I knew of anyway. Realizing I’ve been silent for a couple minutes I take a deep breath] What you want to know Butch…
Butch
I understand that you don’t have someone like I do that you can wake up next to when the nightmares come after you and perhaps that is why you treat everyone like shit. But I’m here to tell you that you do have people you can talk to that won’t judge you like you seem to think they will. Everyone has their own dark and dirty and doesn’t do a lick of good to bundle it up and let it fester. -I leaned forward a bit and flashed a sideways grin- I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.
Zsadist
[Raises a brow and turns head to give you a are you fucking serious look. Then shakes my head, the corner of my mouth turning up and for the first time in a long time a chuckle rumbles in my chest. I lay my arm over my eyes] Mmm sure cop[Smirks]
Butch
-I shrugged my shoulders and the smile that was on my lips slowly faded. I picked up a piece of toast and pulled it apart before popping chunks into my mouth.- How much do you know about the lesser and the… Omega? Cause I’m willing to bet you don’t know what every one of those sorry sons o’ bitches goes through as his own little version of hazing.
Zsadist
[Drags my teeth over my lower lip the murmurs] Not to much I guess… [I drop my arm from my eyes and looks at you again wondering what your exactly talking about] Go..on..
Butch
-I dropped my forehead to my knuckles and tapped it a few times- There are some things that I don’t even talk to V about. -I reached over and picked up the mostly burned up smoke to take another drag on it before stabbing it out- You know how he reads though, I’m sure he knows… -shaking my head- I mean it’s just not something you tell your Hellren. Specially when you can’t do anything about it. Not like I can go take the head of the Omega and carry it around like you do. -I took another drink of water, still not looking up- He bends every single one of those bastards over, Z. I was no exception, in fact I think he took his damn time. I aint talking normal shit here either cause it feels more like you got your entire insides scraped out by the time he’s done with you.
Zsadist
[My whole body stiffens as I listen to every word you said, swallowing hard my black eyes soften slowly] He… [Not even able to get it out, I just stare at you]Butch.. you… [parts my lips as I let out a deep breath feeling a shiver run down my spine]
Butch
Yeah… well, just remember you got it good. -My hands where almost rushed as they picked up the tray. I set the other apple aside for you.- You know for a fucking fact that what haunts you is good and dead. -I unfolded my legs and stood up somewhat unsteadily- And it’s not your duty to the whole fucking race to eat a little bit of it at a time until it’s destroyed. -I turned around and yanked on the doorknob-I’m done talking for now. You know where to find me.
Zsadist
[Standing up quickly I stumble forward you till I reach the door. Moving a hand out I shut it in your face and wills the locks on before turning my head to you] Butch.. don’t go… I [Letting air fill my lungs before I say] being in that dungeon and getting raped by her every day put a toll on me where I don’t even know anything… feelings… forget it… this… thing [looks down at the it in my pants] its something on my body that I don’t truly know what it is there for and I almost wish I didn’t have it.. thats how bad it was… and the beatings.. and that day the fucking blacksmith came in [closes eyes] where I got marked…. a fucking slave butch… a fucking slave [bangs my fist on the door] the whippings and uh…her body on top of me.. [I hang my head feeling that sting again]
Butch
-My eyes widen and I almost turn around and shove the tray straight into your gut when you lock the door. I force myself to turn around slowly, grinding my teeth. I flex my jaw as I listen to you lay out more truths than I’d ever heard. And I waited for a long moment before saying anything.- If there is one thing that I’ve learned Z, it’s that you decide your own fate. You either let all the shit that was done to you break you down or you rise above it. It all depends on whether you want them to win or not. If you keep going on they way you have, they won. -I glanced at the markings that I now understood and back at your eyes- Marks only mean what you want them to mean and they mean nothing to the ones who are your Brothers. And I’ll guarantee you something else, they won’t mean anything to the one who decides to love you either. I know more than a little bit about that shit too. I chose to live in the nightmare for awhile. It’s easy to get lost in it. But it’s not what makes you who you are.
Zsadist
[My black eyes soften to your words knowing everything you just said… was right… me yeah maybe one day I can overcome this but the thought of having someone close enough was just… not going to happen… not in my future and I was ok with that I knew I wasn’t meant to be with someone… who would be attracted to me anyway] I… [Looks down at my slave bands before murmuring] i’m just scared Butch… afraid of it all and I don’t understand… why you guys give a shit.. I know we’re “brothers” but we aren’t truly and I… i’m not a good person [my hand slides off the door] I know what I am and maybe yeah you can fix your shit and go… and maybe v can too..and rhage with his beast..but me… come on… i’m one fucked up brother
Butch
-I shifted the tray in my arm and drew in a deep breath. I realized what it probably took for you to admit something like fear and I didn’t take it lightly- Not everything has to be understood. Some things you just take on faith. We give a shit about you. You take it or you leave it. Though personally I would be pretty angry if you pissed on it. We don’t have to share blood to be united. Hell, I fucking hate my actual brothers. -lifting my chin up a bit- And I didn’t say I was fixed, Z. I am a fucked up mess who managed to not only piss of the Omega but also the Scribe Virgin. What I am telling you is that everyone has their problems. We make the best of it. We slip, we fall, we come back again with daggers ready. You are not /one/ fucked up brother, we all are. I’m just the one that told you some of it.
Zsadist
[Licking my lower lip before leaning on the wall, my head hanging as I find myself speechless.. as much as I wanted to slap a fucking smile on my face and pick myself up I couldn’t… there was this invisible wall in front of be that held me captive in the same spot. Nodding slowly as I will the door unlocked knowing you probably are itching to get out of here.. away from me and this freezing cold dark hell hole I call a room. Slowly I lift a hand, fingers shaking slightly as I place my palm on your shoulder and giving it a squeeze]
Butch
-I smiled somewhat sadly, hitched the tray into one arm and raised my hand to pat yours on my shoulder.- It will be alright if you let it, brother. And I’m not saying it’s some kinda miracle thing that happens overnight. Hell, you probably won’t even know when it really happens. Just know that you don’t have to let it rule you. If I had… -shivering at the thought- well I wouldn’t be with V and that would be a crying damn shame if you ask me. -Turning around and opening the door again.- Find something that makes you happy. Shit like that is important. -looking back over my shoulder- And I’m not talking something that just takes the edge off cause a lot of people settle for that. I’m talking happy. I like music and dancing. -winking and stepping out into the hallway- Take care man. Pit’s not going anywhere. -Heading back to the kitchen with my tray before going back to the Pit-
Zsadist
[As I watch Butch leave the room I let out a sigh before shutting the door. When i’m left alone I slowly strip out of my clothes till i’m standing there naked. Leaving the clothes in a messy pile at my feet I walk over to the pallet. Cracking each one of my knuckles before turning my head towards the huge bed that was in each one of the bedrooms at the mansion. Slowly I walk over to it letting my hand run over the headboard, fingers feeling the elegant engravings into the wood. Taking a deep breath I pull the covers back before getting in the thing, pulling the heavy duvet up as well. I shift back in the soft comfy bed trying to get in a good position. A few minutes past and I find myself shifting on my stomach… I grunt before turning on my side. Still not right. Taking some of the pillows off and throwing them on the floor. Nope…still not right. Shaking my head I get out of the bed but decides to take a pillow with me to the pallet. The bed was still something that was not right to me. I drop to the hard surface and locks my arms around the pillow in a death grip. Glancing at the skull before I turn my head into the pallet knowing it may be time to… get rid of it… but could I… well… we would find out]
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