Settling within my mind….

Vishous
Kicking back at my desk, the Pit was quiet, no sports blaring on the flat screen in the living room, no lyrics floating through the air. I didn’t even hear Butch moving about anywhere near, most likely my mate was up at the big house. My too clear eyes scanned the wall of monitors in front of me, everything was normal, no issues to be seen and for once I felt I could breathe a relieved breath. Part of me almost held that breath in, it seemed for a while now that just taking a step one way or another caused some chaos or upraise. For the second time in under a year I thought about walking, just getting in the SUV with Butch beside me and leaving. Just to get the hell away from everything and everyone, no phones, no cameras and more importantly no more interference. My head dropped and I looked at the band of metal wrapped around my finger. Butch had placed that there and not once since that night had I taken it off. Not for the ‘Job’ I did or the hours of workouts, nothing aside from cutting my finger off would remove it from me. Lifting my head I rolled it between my shoulders and reflected back to the Penthouse. That night had started fucked and no doubt if Butch hadn’t showed up it would have ended even worse. Once again the Cop came to me when I needed him, even though no words or messages had been sent to him, he still showed up. He didn’t use a phone to track me down or any other type of electronic device, no he only used what he had at hand and that was his connection to me, our bond that no matter how many times it had been tested it still stood strong. My whole existence had been spent in destruction, mistakes and blood, most times real and sometimes it felt just as real. Now somehow I had done something right, something that brought me what I never thought possible, a mate that was my equal all the way around. Went toe to toe with me, unflinching at my harsh coldness when I used it and I did often, who laughed and showed me how to and the one that took me even by surprise, how to touch and be touched without pain. I could look around any part of the place we both called ‘home’ together and have true memories, ones that I didn’t blot out, shut down or distort. Leaning back in the chair I relaxed and for the first time in too damn long I grinned a true smile. The New Year was approaching and I was going into it with Butch beside me and our family with us. That was enough to keep me grounded where I was, things were going to be good and downright wrong but that was ok, because for the first time I actually believed it all was and will be ok. I stood up on and left the Pit in search of the one that called me ‘Love’.